Pope-apalooza, Liars, and Laura Ingraham's Taint

"The most-watched event in the history of the world (sic)"

They call Rome "The Eternal City", but all that's seemed eternal in the last few weeks are the flag-and-cross waving, shrieking, talking heads that have been proclaiming the resurgence of religion in the world over AM and low-power radio, for-hire tail-wagging conservative blogs and discussion groups in Assembly of God church basements. A poor, damaged woman who is finally allowed to die and a creaky world leader who finally let's go, and somehow it equals a brand new day for superstition, bigotry, patriarchy and exclusion.

My local public radio station has been in beg-mode the past few weeks, so I've found myself scanning the dial, only to learn that the great local radio stations of lore have been replaced by conglomerate-media neocon religious talk radio. I know first-hand that in South Central Missouri, you can ride up and down the dial all day and not hear anything but religious hate-speech and right-wing political hate-speech. Even country music is relegated to a miserable few canned programs from who-knows-where. You're more likely to hear about how "God hates fags" than Randy Travis or Hank, Jr. But who knew that the rapid-patter rock-n-roll dj's here in Chicago have been replaced by soft-voiced Catholics or not-so-soft-voiced Evangelicals, explaining doctrine and yes, begging for money? Of course, the message is still "God hates fags", but Chicago is the heart of organized labor, school-lunch, blue-state country, so the emphasis is more on limiting reproductive rights, keeping women pregnant (after marriage), and stopping abortion. There are no fewer than 6 all-talk, all-God, all-hate stations. Forget top-40, the end times are here, sweeping the quarter hour.

One particular blabber station caught my attention these last few weeks. It's WIND, 560 AM. An outfit called "Salem Communications" (more on them later) owns this conservative mouthpiece, and even though it's so far down at the bottom of the dial that I practically have to tune them in on my toaster, they've got a crushingly loud signal, and their crushingly loud talkers are looking to push the (get this) "too liberal" voices like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity off the air.

WIND's all-star lineup starts at 5am with Bill Bennett's "Morning in America". This great conservative yodeler, known mostly for his books about morals and values, and for his degenerate gambling, kicks off the day with a surreal amalgam of old-school conservative hate-speech and quotes from Aristotle and Samuel Johnson. If jaw-dropping pedantics and pretentious hypocracy are your thing, this is the show for you. His producer, a snotty little Karl Rove wannabe punk, chimes in on the quarter hour, shamelessly kissing the ass of the former Education Tsar, dropping quasi-intellectual mis-quotes and other high-minded malaprops. It would all be a hoot if one could forget that these guys would shut down the Federal Courts tomorrow if they could, and "Dr" Bennett, as he's known to the high-school dropouts that slaver over his phonelines would use the Consititution to light one of the fat cigars for which he is famous. What I wouldn't give to see this guy coming out of a Reno casino at 6am, sweaty and smelly, hat pulled low over his face so none of his Krazy Kristian buddies sees him hustling a barely-legal hooker into his comp-ed hotel room.

Next up is Laura Ingraham (I just learned how to spell her name today), the shrill, snotty pin-up girl for the Kristchun Koalishun. Now she's impossible to listen to, so I don't have much to say about her except that if you can imagine a female Hannity, using the sound-bite techniques of the Howard Stern clone, including the studio full of staffers hootin' and a-hollerin' at every witty quip, trying to show how neocons can be edgy, too, you'll won't even begin to understand how awful this show is. Last Thursday, her big moment was wondering aloud about the fleshy growth on the side of Ted Kennedy's neck. "I mean, what IS that thing?" she shrieks. Oh what fun. This is what passes for intelligent commentary on the issues of today. Here's a uber-Repub good-time girl who would love to give that hunk Tom DeLay a trip around the world, and without a condom, too, you bet.

to be continued...